Day 144: Finding Joy in the "In-Between"

“We have been taught to appreciate only the climactic moment, not the slow unraveling that led us there.”
— bell hooks

The Quiet Thread of Continuity

We are taught to celebrate milestones. The graduation, the job offer, the move, the marriage. These moments glimmer like beads on a string. Yet most of life is spent not at the beads, but in the thread between them. The spaces where nothing announces itself as important. The in-betweens. Today, we ask: what if the thread is the point?

The Psychology of Presence and Engagement

One of the most significant contributions to understanding human fulfillment comes from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s concept of flow. In his seminal book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (1990), he describes flow as a state of deep immersion and satisfaction experienced during focused activity. Contrary to what many assume, these experiences often occur in routine tasks, not monumental events. A surgeon in the operating room, a gardener trimming roses, a writer finding rhythm in a paragraph. The reward lies in the act itself, not the final product.

Csikszentmihalyi’s research showed that people report higher happiness when engaged in focused work or hobbies, even more so than during leisure. It’s not celebration that fulfills us most. It’s the zone of becoming.

Dopamine and the Subtle Reward System

Dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to motivation, often gets a bad reputation in pop science as the “pleasure chemical.” But more precisely, dopamine is about anticipation and pursuit. As Dr. Robert Sapolsky explains in his book Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst (2017), dopamine surges when we’re on our way to something, not when we finally get it. The implication is profound: our brains are designed to thrive on process, not just payoff.

This challenges the modern myth that joy lives only in accomplishments. In reality, each moment of effort, each quiet step forward, is a neurochemical invitation to fulfillment. It is a biological truth: joy can be found in the journey itself.

Philosophy: Ancient Wisdom and the Value of the Ordinary

In Buddhism, the teaching of sati (mindfulness) emphasizes continuous awareness. The Pali Canon describes enlightenment as something found not in a final revelation, but in the moment-by-moment recognition of breath, step, and sensation. Thich Nhat Hanh, in Peace is Every Step, notes that “life is available only in the present moment.” The “now” is not a means to an end. It is the end.

Similarly, Stoic philosophers urged us to focus on what is within our control: attention, perception, and conduct. Marcus Aurelius, in Meditations, writes: “Do not dream of the whole future. Attend to what lies in hand.” For the Stoics, virtue and happiness were not outcomes to be grasped but conditions cultivated through constant practice.

This alignment between Buddhist and Stoic teachings suggests a converging wisdom across traditions. Fulfillment arises from how we live each moment, not what we extract from it.

Sociological Context: Milestones as Social Constructs

Sociologist Arlie Hochschild coined the term “emotional labor” to describe the work we do to conform to social expectations. In a culture that glorifies achievements, milestones often serve as performance markers. We post promotions, weddings, or vacation highlights not always because they bring joy, but because they signal success.

This creates an internalized timeline: “By this age, I should have this. By that date, I should be there.” The result? A haunting sense of inadequacy in the in-betweens.

But what if we disrupted that script? What if the “unseen” days held just as much worth as the ones with applause?

The Neuroscience of Memory and Meaning

Interestingly, studies in autobiographical memory suggest that we do not remember only the big events. In fact, our brain often holds onto moments of emotional resonance, regardless of scale. Research published in Cognition and Emotion (2007) found that people frequently recall seemingly insignificant moments because of how they felt, not what was achieved.

A smell, a sunset, a late-night conversation. These are not milestones. They are micro-imprints of lived meaning.

So if our biology rewards anticipation, our memory prioritizes resonance, and our philosophy teaches presence, then it becomes clear: life’s richest content is found between the events we think matter most.

Practice – Five Ways to Honor the In-Between

1. The Echo Log: Instead of journaling major events, keep a log of echoes: small things that resonated today. A phrase someone said. The way light fell on your desk. A new taste. This practice helps your mind register the richness of ordinary time.

2. The Sacred Loop: Create one intentional daily rhythm that repeats and roots you. It could be a morning walk, an afternoon stretch, or evening tea. Name it. Honor it. Let your nervous system associate this loop with renewal rather than obligation.

3. The Blank Canvas Ritual: Engage in five minutes of “blank canvas” time each day. No phone. No task. Just an open space to feel what’s present. This quiet void counteracts the constant push for productivity and opens up your capacity to dwell.

4. The Seasonal Naming Ceremony: Each month, give your life a theme. Not based on outcomes, but on experience. “The Month of Still Waters.” “The Season of Rebuilding.” “The Time of Listening.” By naming your season, you acknowledge your internal life as valid and whole.

5. The Reverse Highlight Reel: At the end of each week, reflect not on achievements, but on moments you almost overlooked. A shared laugh, a bird you noticed, a song that softened you. Then ask: what did these moments teach me? What part of me did they nourish?

Closing Thought and Call to Action

There is nothing inherently better about the mountain top than the path that leads there. In fact, the trail often holds more beauty than the summit. Life whispers to us not in the applause, but in the rustling between songs.

So pause today. Find one in-between moment and let it unfold. Let it teach you something. Let it be enough.

Reflection Prompt: What small, beautiful thing happened today that no one else saw?

Visit Lucivara.com to share your reflections and join others in the quiet revolution of living fully, even between the milestones.